½★ - A Review by Cameron Kanachki
"We're going to have to do what Baywatch does best. The truth is, one of you will probably die." That's an awful quote from Dwayne Johnson in Baywatch, a very unfunny film. The film is based on the 1989-2001 TV series Baywatch. Johnson plays Lt. Mitch Buchannon, the leader of Baywatch, a team of lifeguards in Emerald Bay, Florida. Also on the team are Stephanie Holden (played by Ilfenesh Hedera) & C.J. Parker (played by Kelly Rohrbach). Much to the chagrin of beat cop Garner Ellerbee (played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) & Mitch's boss, Capt. Don Thorpe (played by Rob Huebel), Mitch is loved by the community. At tryouts for the team, three people make the team: surfer Summer Quinn (played by Alexandra Daddario); fat nerd Ronnie (played by Don Bass); & 2-time Olympic gold medal swimmer Matt Brody (played by Zac Efron), who is doing community service as part of a plea deal after vomiting during a race after a night of a hard partying. Mitch is not happy with Matt being on the team, as he thinks Matt is not mature enough for the job. But when 2 men are murdered near the beach that are connected to drug smuggler & businesswoman Victoria Leeds (played by Priyanka Chopra), the team must get everything together & take her down.
The cast is awful. Seth Gordon's direction is terrible. And the screenplay by Damian Shannon, Mark Swift, Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon, Jay Scherick & David Ronn is pitiful. This film is probably the most unfunny comedy I've seen in a long time.